The Power to Seduce -- Paris, France
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 11:22AM 
My husband Vincent is always telling me there's no battle between the sexes in France. He says that a book like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus would be a total flop here. I was skeptical at first, but after living here for two years, I'm convinced.
Today I came across an article written by Debra Olivier, the author of Entre Nous: A Woman's Guide to Finding her Inner French Girl. It's one of those books about why French women are so sexy (implication: so much sexier than anglo-saxon women) and how to be like them. The article was a rebuttal to another article by Zoe Williams, who bashes Olivier's book and others like it with stereotypical feminist outrage. The angry, humorless kind that gives that "F" word such a bad name.
Both articles are worth reading. If you reflect on our endless fascination with "the sexy French girl" you might begin to examine why femininity provokes confusion, discomfort, and conflicting emotions in some women. Those who aren't French.
One of Williams' criticisms is that Olivier includes Simone de Beauvoir in the "French Girls We Love" section of her book. She suggested that to call Simone de Beauvoir a "girl" was demeaning. She posited that de Beauvoir would have taken issue with that label. That's entirely possible, of course. Simone de Beauvoir wrote the book on the feminine condition. But something tells me she didn't have a problem with her own femininity.
In her response to Williams' criticism, Olivier says "For many sociocultural reasons there has always been more complicity between men and women in France than in Anglo-Saxon cultures, and that complicity breeds a different kind of woman." She also said, "French feminism didn't play out the way it did in Britain, and was not nearly as militant as it was in the US - no British or American feminist could declare what French feminist Sylviane Agacinski once did: 'We want the power to seduce and be seduced. There will never be a war of the sexes in France'." Vincent is right. Again.
Ultimately, the difference is not that French women are sexier; it's that they aren't afraid to be sexy. It's not their clothes, or shoes, or lingerie. It's not scarves! American women wear body-language straight-jackets that hide their sexuality and French girls don't. When you're here, compare the French girls and the American women tourists; the way they move and hold themselves. Maybe you'll be able to discern what I'm talking about.
French men devour women with their eyes. Many anglo-saxons would find this offensive and sexist. But why shouldn't men enjoy the scenery? A thing of beauty is a thing of beauty, after all. And we are animals. Don't you look at men?
When I first moved to Paris, I admit the frank gazes of French men made me a little uncomfortable. In the States, men are more discreet in their, um, appreciation. But I'm over it; when in Paris, you know... French women believe it's natural to receive male attention and appreciation. They don't feel invaded, insulted, demeaned, or violated when a man looks at them with undisguised delectation, the way anglo-saxon women can.
Men aren't the enemy here and French women like being women.
A recent article in the Paris Match reviewed another of these "sexy French girl" books called So Chic, by Helena Frith-Powell. My Parisian girlfriend gave me her take on the article:
The article in Paris Match stated that this author was either blind or crazy. You finish the book thinking that la boulangère [baker lady] wears sexy garters under her apron and that any RMIste [person receiving social assistance] meets her lover in a hotel between 5 and 7 every day. Myth building all the way. I suppose people want to hear that sort of lies. They will be soooo disappointed.
Personally, I think the truth lies somewhere between the stereotype and what my girlfriend says...
For those of you still struggling to put your finger on that elusive différence, here are some more books about les françaises. I haven't read any of them. I'm sure they're mostly fluff and stereotypes, although you may encounter the occasional near truth. In any case, I'm sure they're fun to read.
French Women Don't Get Fat and French Women for All Seasons, by Mireille Guiliano
All You Need to be Impossibly French, by Helena Frith-Powell. This is the title of the American edition of the book. Interestingly, the original title was Two Lipsticks and a Lover...
That should tell you something! The first step towards getting sexier: lose the hang ups.
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Pamela Poole is a California girl. A writer, translator, and francophile entrepreneur, she has lived on both sides of the Prime Meridian, and from latitude 13°48' to 50°35'. She also keeps a personal blog called, Frogblog.
She now calls Paris home, and plans to stay there.
Reader Comments (3)
There's plenty difference between reducing a woman to an object and 'admiration'. The women who can still be comfortable with their sexuality in spite of the objectifying gaze without wanting to run and hide, good for them. But it starts early, before the idea that hiding one's sexuality is the only way to protect oneself from a lecherous gaze, or ofcourse, that putting oneself on display is the only way to explore it.
agree w/ vintage fan: there is a distinct different between objectifying a woman and admiring her. there is also a difference in appreciation and respect for a woman, which i have found more rampant in Paris than here in the States. Here there is a leer and a comment (something they wouldn't want their mother to catch them saying), in France I have found it is (for the most part) perhaps a comment, with a smile.
as an aside: i don't believe de Beauvoir would have had such a problem as being labeled a 'girl' - she was, after all a girl. i feel a lot of people get there back up due to what they perceive as offensive or un-PC in a PC world.
Pamela - lucky girl. Living in Paris...Les amants de Paris!
It's not about whether you or an object of men's eyes or not, the debate is about what makes a French woman French and I think it's all about losing the hang ups like Pamela says. French women really don't give a damm what we think of them or about how they behave is interpreted by feminists.